A gynecologist’s office.
KITTY, 22, sits, feet in stirrups, waiting for DR. COOTER.
He enters abrasively, sits. He wears a terrible toupee.
DR. COOTER
So do you actually have a problem or are you just trying to fool the insurance company?
KITTY
See, I’m not entirely sure, Dr. Cooter. Thing is
DR. COOTER
Either way, it’s fine. I don’t really care (he looks at her chart), Catherine.
KITTY
You can call me Kitty.
DR. COOTER
As long as you don’t call me late for dinner!
A beat.
DR. COOTER
So what seems to be the problem?
KITTY
It’s kind of uncomfortable.
DR. COOTER
Most vagina-related problems are. I’ve been working with them for thirty years. I've seen it all. Even the one or two with teeth. Lay it on me, can't be any worse than that!
KITTY
Well, my boyfriend and I - and we haven’t had sex yet - but when we fool around and he uses his fingers, I bleed. A lot.
DR. COOTER
Easy peasy. Let’s have a look-see.
DR. COOTER starts examining her. He’s cold and methodical, she is uncomfortable.
DR. COOTER
It’s a very sensitive area, the vagina. If your boyfriend’s fingernails are too long, he could have scratched you. I see a little bit of bruising.
KITTY
Yeah, I saw that, too.
The exam finishes.
DR. COOTER
Just tell him to go gentler next time. And I’d wait a few days before you do it again.
Her cell phone rings - “Hey Mama” by Kanye West.
KITTY
(holding up her cell phone)
Would you like to tell him that?
DR. COOTER
That’s quite alright. I’ve got other patients today.
KITTY
Well, thank you, doctor.
DR. COOTER
Take care. It’s been good seeing you two again.
He exits.
Blackout.
2 comments:
odd idea. line about teeth is unnecessary. i dont understand the 'you two' part.
*pretty good though
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