A cave. Prehistoric times.
A caveman and his wife awaken. They step outside the cave. It is snowing. They see their shadow.
Caveman: I guess there's six more weeks of winter.
Cavewoman: I hate snow. Time to shovel.
Caveman: I don't want to shovel.
Cavewoman: Well I have a bad back.
Caveman: Fine, I'll shovel.
She goes back into the house.
Caveman: Fucking women.
She returns with a shovel, hands it to him. He grabs it, starts shoveling.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
February 1 - "Sniffing Duster Kills You"
A junkie sniffs a can of duster.
He dies.
His mother walks in.
She screams.
Blackout.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
January 31 - "Grammy Awards"
Taylor Swift’s hotel room. She stands there not moving. Her MANAGER enters.
MANAGER
Okay Taylor, I’m turning you on.
She pushes the top of Taylor forehead.
Taylor turns on and starts singing her song.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
January 30 - "Groundlings"
The Globe Theatre. A performance of HAMLET. BURBAGE is on stage. The audience is booing and throwing everything they can at him.
Burbage: To be, or not to be, I there's the point,
To Die, to sleepe, is that all? I all:
No, to sleepe, to dreame, I mary there it goes,
For in that dreame of death, when wee awake,
And borne before an euerlasting Iudge...
At this point the boos drown him out and he exits the stage.
Towards the back of the crowd stand the THEATER MANAGER and BILL.
Theater Manager: This doesn't look well, Willy.
Bill: I asked you to call me Bill.
Theater Manager: This doesn't look well, Bill.
Bill: I know.
Theater Manager: I suggest massive rewrites.
Bill: But where to begin? They hate the whole damn thing.
Theater Manager: Sleep on it.
Bill: Ay, there's the rub. For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come?
Theater Manager: Pardon?
Bill: What?
Theater Manager: That. What was that?
Bill: What?
Theater Manager: That.
Bill: Oh, nothing. Just me pontificating.
Theater Manager: It sounded exactly like what Burbage was saying, only better.
Bill: Oh. Really?
Theater Manager: Yeah.
Bill: Sweet.
Theater Manager: Run with it. See where it goes.
Burbage: To be, or not to be, I there's the point,
To Die, to sleepe, is that all? I all:
No, to sleepe, to dreame, I mary there it goes,
For in that dreame of death, when wee awake,
And borne before an euerlasting Iudge...
At this point the boos drown him out and he exits the stage.
Towards the back of the crowd stand the THEATER MANAGER and BILL.
Theater Manager: This doesn't look well, Willy.
Bill: I asked you to call me Bill.
Theater Manager: This doesn't look well, Bill.
Bill: I know.
Theater Manager: I suggest massive rewrites.
Bill: But where to begin? They hate the whole damn thing.
Theater Manager: Sleep on it.
Bill: Ay, there's the rub. For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come?
Theater Manager: Pardon?
Bill: What?
Theater Manager: That. What was that?
Bill: What?
Theater Manager: That.
Bill: Oh, nothing. Just me pontificating.
Theater Manager: It sounded exactly like what Burbage was saying, only better.
Bill: Oh. Really?
Theater Manager: Yeah.
Bill: Sweet.
Theater Manager: Run with it. See where it goes.
Friday, January 29, 2010
January 29 - "Raining"
A bathroom. KIM and FRED are showering together. We cannot see them.
KIM
You did not.
FRED
What?
KIM
You did not just pee on my foot.
FRED
It’s the shower, babe.
KIM
That’s disgusting.
FRED
What?
KIM
You peed on my foot!
FRED
It’s the shower, babe!
KIM
You peed on my foot.
FRED
Sorry?
KIM
Never do that again.
FRED
Sorry.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
January 27 - "No Show"
Two dudes sit in front of a TV, drinking beer.
ANNOUNCER
“The Simpsons” will not be seen tonight, so we can bring you this special presentation of “Celebrity Boxing.”
DUDE #1
D’oh.
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